issue1-art9In the past 7 years the phandom has proven more than once that it surely is a force to be reckoned with. From breaking websites, completely flooding competitions by voting more often than even Directioners, to making the comment sections of several youtube videos a battlefield – our online presence is impressive, if not in many cases obnoxious. But sometimes that dedication backfires to the point when we can’t even hear our own jokes any longer without wanting to punch ourselves in the face for even coming up with it in the first place. Cringe, terrible or simply overused – we collected the most groan-inducing words that somehow still haven’t been completely buried under a blanket of shame.

Let’s start with the classics

1 Llamas and Lions

Being a cute and quirky random part of Dan and Phil’s branding in 2009, seeing a reference today to either of those innocent animals gives us war flashbacks to the time where we thought wearing our llama hat in 8th grade was the coolest thing we could possibly do.

There have been roughly 3 million pieces of fanart of them either AS a llama and a lion, them RIDING a llama and a lion or, in the more questionable cases, Phil hiding naked behind either of them. I admit, some of them are cute, but in general? Please just let the poor creatures rest so one day i can take my children to the zoo without wanting to walk out backwards the first time i hear a roar.

2 Glabella

Anatomy lessons with Dan and Phil.
Anatomy lessons with Dan and Phil.

No, you can’t stroke my glabella. No, i don’t want to talk about it. How did this brief biology lesson turn into a question that gives most of us shivers anyway? Please Dan and Phil, stop your attempts at edutainment, the knowledge you spread is too much power for people to responsibly deal with it. And NO, you can’t stroke my wenis either.

3 Microwave

Body parts, animals, and now even kitchen utensils – nothing is safe from Dan and Phil inevitably destroying it for us. From time to time I still catch myself softly repeating Dan’s interpretation of microwave as an onomatopoeia while waiting for my soup to heat up before I carefully and quite ashamedly check if anyone heard me. Fun fact: while microwave definitely ISN’T an onomatopoeia, the welsh word for it actually is though! And really, popty ping is a much cooler word anyway.

4 Whisk

Staying in the kitchen for a bit, we all know the horrifying origin of this meme. If you don’t, do not try and find it. Don’t do it. Trust me on this one. What started as a bullying campaign between Dan and Tyler Oakley slowly evolved into an open invitation to traumatise either of them. Which honestly is an opportunity I would use whenever possible – if it wasn’t for the fact that they aren’t the only ones feeling slightly sick whenever they try to bake a cake now.

Thanks for that one guys. Nothing is holy to you, is it?

5 Moist

In 2013 the phandom made a worrying discovery – adding “moist” to just about any sentence can turn its meaning from perfectly normal to worryingly disturbing. We ended up using that to our advantage. For some time everything was, well, moist. The project was abandoned when we realised how uncomfortably sexual talking about things like the weather had become. Sadly, Dan still didn’t get that memo. Someone stop this man.

6 “Don’t Cry, CRAFT,” “Crafting,” and “PROTIP” – The Holy Trinity of DanAndPhilCRAFTS

Putting these three separately would be like starting an updates account for Dan but not Phil. The same phenomenon occurred two years in a row – Dan and Phil take April’s Fools to the next level and we, well, take “taking the piss” to the next level. For a solid month after the first DAPC video there was no crying on the internet – however, Dan and Phil did not singlehandedly solve sadness, no. I am actually quite sure they are responsible for an unnaturally large amount of YouTubers crying at their comment sections – because most of those were filled with nothing but “Don’t cry, CRAFT”. It took quite a while for that to calm down, but just when everyone thought they’d be safe the next crafting video was uploaded, with a beautiful new meme out to destroy the sanity of even more content creators – and possibly about half of Dan and Phil’s friendships with them. Quite frankly, that wound is still a bit too fresh to be joked about, so please keep your Protips away from me.

7 Anything with an F, really

What you must understand about the phandom is, we are all very special snowphlakes. We are phangirls, -boys and -people, we have phan accounts, phanfiction, phanart and when we get ill, we get the Phlu. Whoever thought they were being a genius coming up with those names had no idea about the spiral of death we would phall into. We should’ve changed to the “Dildom” when we had the chance.